"At least when you are bisexual, you do not have to deal with all the bad
things gay people have to go through."
We are happy that you want to assure us that our
life will not be so difficult, but it happens that you do
not know what you are talking about. We deal with homophobia, and many other
horrible things.
Bi-phobia is very real and very alive. For example,
sixty percent of bisexual people report hearing jokes and anti-bisexual
comments at work. In fact, our statistics show that we are worse off than gay
people. Alarmingly, although gay men are four times more likely than heterosexual
men to seriously consider suicide throughout their life, bisexual men are
almost six and a half times more likely, and while suicidal thoughts tend to
decrease as the person passes From adolescence to adulthood, recent studies
show that this is not the case for bisexuals.
So it's not surprising that we are actually tired of
being told we have it easier than gays.
"It's normal to be confused
about your sexuality."
If someone tells you that they are bisexual, they
have told you that they are not confused, they have told you that they know
what they are. Bisexuality can be a confusing subject for you, but not because
bisexuals are confused, it's because you are.
When you tell us that it is okay for us to be
confused, you are not only denying that we know what we feel, but also denying
that bisexuality is a legitimate sexual identity.
"It's so cool you're bisexual!"
Well yes, it may be pretty cool for us, but in
reality, it's part of who we are, not because we're trying to be fashionable or
looking for attention, and we resent the fact that you're implying that's what
it's all about.
Anyway, we'd rather you do not make our sexuality
sound exotic, like some pink crystal from Tibet or something. This implies that
we are so different from other people. Sure, we like more of a genre, but we
still have to brush our teeth and take out the trash just like you.
Well, we have the super invisibility power, but it's
not really as romantic as you think.
Good try to be a good person, but you make us feel a
bit like creatures from another planet in search of attention.
"In truth, everyone is bisexual."
What are you talking about? To say that everyone is
bisexual is like saying that no one is bisexual, and that we should identify
ourselves as gay or straight as they are all bisexual as well.
If you think that everyone is bisexual, you should
think a little stronger about your own sexuality, because you should see it
reflected in you. The truth is that if you identify as gay or heterosexual and
say that everyone is bisexual, we start to ask ourselves if you are bisexual
and you are not ready to admit it yet.
If you are sure that you are not bisexual, then stop
saying that everyone is, because that messes up our realities and minimizes our
problems.
"It's fun to experiment
before you settle down!"
Hooray, experiment! Hey, hey! DO NOT! This is not
games and fun for us. It is our lives. Additionally, it is not something
temporary that we do until we find the perfect match. If we decide to settle
down with someone romantically, we will remain completely bisexual, even if we
are in a monogamous relationship.
Do not turn our sexual orientation into some
frivolous nonsense for which we need your blessing. Take us seriously if you
want us to take your support seriously, but give yourself 30 lashes for
insulting us, and do not speak to us again until you have read 30 articles on
BiNet USA's Facebook page.
From heterosexual men to
bisexual women: "I am so drawn to women that I can not blame you for being
attracted to them as well."
Blame us! Who even considers this? Why has that
thought crossed your mind? Obviously, you are having difficulty reconciling
with your own sexuality.
Additionally, you are saying that perhaps you have a
problem with bisexual men, because you are not attracted to men. Is the
sexuality of any person only acceptable if you can directly identify with it?
Sit on a hill and meditate a little on this, then
come back to me and tell me that you accept us for who we are because, well,
that is who we are, and well for us for not trying to be someone we are not.
"It's probably best if you
do not tell anyone about your gay side and just marry someone of the opposite
sex, you know, so you can live a normal life."
It's hard to see that maybe you're trying to help,
when we're busy trying to resist the urge to tear our hair out, or yours, in
response to this intolerant ignorance. It is no advantage living a lie. We are
honest with you because we want to be our authentic form, because any advantage
we receive by hiding our being has the price of dying a slow emotional agony.
Also, if you think it's easy to turn off the
feelings we have for a person because their gender lends
itself to a "normal" life, think twice.
Worst of all, is that with this comment, you have
shown that you think that being bisexual is not "normal". Perhaps
what you really mean is that it would be easier for you if we kept our feelings
hidden.
"You are bisexual? Oh
that's OK."
Although the feeling seems positive, the message
really is not. The fact is, we do not need you to tell us it's all right; we
already know. You should not need to say it's okay if you think it really is.
Obviously, to some degree you have problems accepting our sexual identity.
If you discover that a person likes to read novels,
would you say "oh, alright"? Of course not, because of course it's
fine. This is how you should feel about when someone tells you that they are
bisexual. You just have to listen and accept without question.
"How exciting! Man, I bet
you have the best sex! Do you want to join my wife and me? "
If you and your wife are very attractive, there are
some of us who might consider joining, if only you'd been less disgusting to
ask.
But many bisexuals would feel repulsed and offended
by such a proposition. Many bisexuals are not interested in triplets or more
people in sexual relationships and there are some within us who do not have
much, or especially interesting, sex.
The fact is, some gay people and some heterosexuals
like to have more than two people in bed, and some do not - it's the same for
bisexuals. Assuming we would like to receive an invitation like this from
anyone at any time, it makes us feel disrespectful and dirty.
Do not let the representation of bisexuals in the
pornographic industry distort our reality. Have the decency to talk to us about
the same basic civility that you would automatically offer to anyone else.
"How lucky for you, as
Woody Allen says, 'Being bisexual doubles the chances of having a date on
Saturday night.'"
Lucky for the bisexuals living in the fantasy life
you have you and Woody Allen. But from us who live in the real world, thank you
for reminding us how difficult it is to date someone when you are bisexual.
Because the biphobia that calls us treacherous and
indiscreet is so unbridled, to be bisexual rather than multiply the chances of
being rejected. While you're busy congratulating yourself on your witty and
supportive commentary, we're going to see how many messages with "I would
never date a bisexual!" Are waiting for us on OK Cupid.
Anyway, check your math. Only a small percentage of
men are interested in hanging out with other men, so a man who is bisexual can
not have twice as many opportunities as a heterosexual man to get a date.
By the way, we've heard it a thousand times.